


Paperwork

by Iamtheoneandonly



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2015-11-22
Packaged: 2018-05-02 22:34:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5266319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iamtheoneandonly/pseuds/Iamtheoneandonly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny accidentally becomes a secretary, Steve gets pissed when other poach on his territory</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paperwork

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be gen, then my hand slipped. Oh well, this has been sitting on my desktop for agggessss and I've finally finished it to a (okayish) standard. 
> 
> Next I've get the next part of my sk8tr boi series (Involving little kids worshiping Danny becuase he's so awesome) and I'm 95,000 words into a Sentinel/Guide fic that I started back in October  
> Also 7,000 words in a werewolf fic as well. And I've got about ten or so timestamps for 'the draw' series planned as well.
> 
> So hopefully more to come!!!

The thing is he never sees it coming. Somehow he’s managed to go from getting shot at pretty much every single day to sitting in the office alone while the others are out at the scene and dealing out their preferred brand of justice on the island. Normally involving guns, grenades and explosions. And Steve's rather... _questionable_ interrogation techniques.

It started with the new governor and the immeasurable amounts of paperwork they had to do now for him. Steve was so terrible at his, handwriting like a toddler, (mentality too...), that Danny normally did it for him. Pulling sixteen hour days just to keep up with it all, and even coming in on the weekends he didn’t have Grace to finish it off. It was hell.

Therefore it made sense that he just stay at the office to do it while the others went out to the scene, it meant he could leave earlier and actually see the inside of his home every night. Another plus was the greatly increased life expectancy at not having to put up with his nut-job of a partner all the time. Steve still takes his car though, and by this point he may as well just give it to the man and let him deal with the constant repair costs and ridiculous gas bills. His garage has given him a loyalty card for fucks sake.

It’s a Tuesday and the others are all out at a crime scene, a couple of drug dealers found shot dead in a slightly shady part of town, not normally their sort of thing, but it's linked to one of their past cases, so they got it. The office is quiet and he’s alone, which is surprisingly nice. He's always been one to enjoy company, but he already has to deal with Steve's co-dependency, so a little him-time is pleasant.

Not that he doesn’t love his team, he does and they’re amazing people but sometimes it nice to be able to be able to sit and write out reports without Steve constantly asking him things. Or trying to get him on a surfboard, the man’s like a dog with a bone on that topic. He has a feeling he’ll be caving with the whole thing pretty soon. He's pretended not to notice the wetsuit in his size in Steve's spare room.

Kai drops in around eleven, she’s an officer with the HPD and they met a few months ago while at a murder scene, she was canvassing the area and he joined her while Steve did his normal round of ‘questioning’. After hearing about the awful coffee at the break room at the palace he’d invited her down to five-0, Steve, the control freak and caffeine addict, had insisted that they get a proper coffee machine with fresh ground Kona and it had quickly become a daily thing, bar any urgent cases. She’s a fountain of gossip.

“So do you think you should just change your business cards to ‘secretary’” She jokes as he hands her the coffee and offers her a coco puff that Chin brought in this morning.

It’s become a running joke within the HPD. Since Danny’s become the one who deals with them for the rest of five-0, Steve's not been allowed to since he punched a detective in the face, and since does the paperwork and makes the coffee so everyone jokingly refers to him as the secretary. Not that he minds, it’s better than haole.

“Shut up Kai, or I’ll start serving you instant” He threatens.

She gasps in mock horror and clutches a hand to her chest, then starts laughing “Danny, you’re meant to be welcoming to guests, it’s in your job description”

Danny laughs with her and they make small talk and gossip over the latest happenings over at HPD. He hadn’t quite realised how excluded five-0 were from the grapevine and it’s great to be able to get the drop on the others when it comes to gossip. Kono’s face is priceless.

She has to go out on patrol at twelve so leaves after half an hour. He washes out their mugs before heading back into his office. He manages to get through another report and two requisition forms before finally giving into his restlessness.

Another bonus of his change in responsibilities it that he can work out in the middle of the day, the gym at the palace is nice enough and he’s been building up a friendship with the SWAT team that often work out there. It never hurts to have friends who are very good with guns. And slightly more sane than Steve. Not that that's hard.

He waves at the two officers sparring on one of the mats and heads over to one of the worn punch bags in the corner. He’s taken up boxing again and has been loving it, and it’s a slight pity his new found fitness is going to waste in the office, but at least he knows that if it does come to him actually being out in the field he’ll be able to keep up with his gazelle of a partner. Maybe finally be able to overtake him, and that would be a great thing. He’d love to see Steve’s face.

To be fair, it’s a bit much to actually consider Steve his partner anymore, considering on most days all they see of each other is the swapping of car keys and Steve handing him the paperwork he needs to do. As far as he knows Steve’s been working alone these past months, which is worrying enough. Not that they’re not still friends or anything, he still spends evenings round at his, with steaks on the grill and beers on the lanai.

He’d been worried that Steve would be even more reckless now that Danny’s not there to rein him in but in reality Steve’s been getting hurt less. He has no idea how that works and had decided to leave it, as long as Steve was alive it didn’t matter. He also hasn't been getting any complaints from the criminal element of Hawaii about police brutality, so that's also a plus. The number of times he'd been in the Governor's office, trying to explain how their latest scum-bag managed to get a concussion in the back of Camaro, (Steve had slammed his head against the window).

He showers and changes, finally getting back to his office around one, feeling pleasantly sated and little sore. He flexes his hand as he starts yet another report, carefully phrasing it so it sounds better than it actually is. How they get into these situations is beyond him.

Detective Kalea from Vice drops him a sandwich from the deli  around the corner half an hour later, saying about how secretaries need to keep their energy levels up. He laughs and thanks her, before going back to his reports. She’s a nice lady and often comes around with lunch for him. He forgets otherwise.

He’s finally managed to make nice with the HPD, which also brings with it a wealth of benefits. One is that he almost never has to pay for lunch anymore, with someone from one department or another bringing him something nearly every day. A pleasant change from Steven 'I forgot my wallet' McGarrett. Another is that he can get almost anything expedited, especially from the labs. Turns out all it took was a few trips down with coffee and coco puffs for them to warm up to him. Thirdly his social life has sky-rocketed to levels that even Rachel would be proud of. He’s been invited to the standing weekly trip to shooting range with the SWAT team and often spends time with the homicide detectives at a sports bar to watch the game. Commiserating over past cases.

Probably the best thing that’s happened is his recent change in living conditions. One of the officers who he often bumps into at the coffee shop on the way in had heard about his ratty apartment and had offered him an actual house that her Aunt owned. The rent was about the same as his old place and she’d said that her Aunt felt safer having a cop next door. Danny wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth and had enlisted the SWAT team, plus van to move in. He'd cooked them beers and steaks afterwards as a thank-you. And who knew just how much a SWAT team could put away? He'd had to send some of them off to the store for  _more_ food and beer.

It’s a great place, with three separate bedroom with actual beds, and it’s near the beach so he can take Grace when he has her, even if he will deny to his dying breath that he actually _likes_ it. Steve had raised his eyebrows when he’d seen it but said nothing, grabbing two beers and sitting out on the Lanai with him, before launching into a triad about his previous apartment. And it's not like it was  _that_ bad. There was only two drugs busts in the whole time he had the place.

It seems like he’s finally settled into Hawaii and there’s no going back now. He still misses Jersey but Hawaii’s his home as well now and he knows he’d miss it if he left and went back. That and Steve would probably come and kidnap him. The guy's attached like that.

The intrepid three return about four, reeking of smoke and still clad in their tac gear. Steve’s got his death glare on and Chin and Kono are keeping a large distance from him, a sure sign that things have gone fubar. Oh boy, there’s going to reams of paperwork for this one. He flexes his hand in preparation.

He emerges from his office and leans against the wall arms crossed and eyebrows raised, waiting for them to remove their vests.

“So turns out the warehouse where they were keeping the drugs was rigged to explode” Chin explains.

“And did Steve wait for backup?” Already knowing the answer.

Kono gives him a condescending look that says it all and he really, did he expect anything less from superSEAL? He sighs and pulls a hand through his hair, taking a few deep breaths.

“Awesome I’ve got a meeting with the governor in an hour and I bet he’s gonna want to hear about this. Is there anything I should know before I go?” He asks fearfully because knowing them, there’s some very expensive property damage that he’s going to have to try and explain. He needs to talk to Steve.

“Good luck with that brah” Chin calls over his shoulder as he disappears into his own office, leaving him and Kono alone.

“Wonderful! Now I have to go try and get my fucking keys off him” Danny mutters and Kono giggles before retreating into her own office, with a smug little wave from behind the window, he flips her off.

Steve’s aggressively clicking away at his computer, probably playing solitaire. Danny decides that some coffee should placate him enough for him to get the keys and escape. He can make small talk with the governors PA while he waits. She's a lot less likely to rip his head off.

After dropping off mugs of steaming Kona to Chin and Kono who thank him like he’s just given them unlimited access to a weapons store, he makes his way over to Steve’s office and knocks lightly, bracing himself.

There’s a grunted ‘enter’ and he pushes open the door, placing the mug on Steve’s desk and standing back, out of the firing line.

“What do you want Danny?” Steve grits out like it’s physically paining him to be anywhere near him right now. The feeling's mutual right about now.

“I need my keys Steven”

Steve makes a show of pulling them out of his pocket and tossing them at Danny. Like it's some huge effort. Bastard.

“Well thank you for your kindness and good nature, I’ll make sure to drop your car back later. Oh wait- it’s _my_ car that I own, that I _let_ you drive out of the goodness of my heart. Silly me forgot since I hardly see it anymore” He says sarcastically, turning around and leaving without giving Steve time to reply.

He fires off a quick text to Lily, an actual secretary at the palace, to confirm their dinner plans. She’s a mainlander and they tend to frequent the tourist traps just to get some decent food. He packs up and shuts down his computer, there’s no point coming back after his meeting. It normally takes him a good two hours to justify what Steve’s done this week.

He waves at Chin and Kono though the window to their offices as they leave, swinging the car keys around his finger as he walks out of the palace and into the warm afternoon sunshine. He chats with a couple of the uniforms on a smoke break before getting into his car, silently cursing Steve as he adjusts the seat to his height.

He’s been meeting with the governor instead of Steve since he started writing the reports, phrasing them just right to make it sound like the amount of force they use is justified. Denning seems to prefer him to Steve and he can see why. Steve does’t like being told what he can and can’t do. He like a toddler in some ways.

He pulls up out outside the Governor’s office and climbs out, he’s still pretty early but it’s not good to be around Steve when he’s having a toddler tantrum, it can end in gunshots and violence. He knows from experience.

Cynthia, the governor’s PA welcomes him warmly and hands him a cup coffee. Denning is in with someone right now so they sit and chat for a while. She’s got a kid about Grace’s age and they sometimes play together if he's busy. He tells her about the latest goings on at five-0 and she laughs when he tells her just what Steve’s been doing. Sometimes he thinks that she doesn't actually believe what he says, hell,  _he_ doesn't quite believe what Steve does sometimes.

Denning finishes right on time and ushers him into his large office. He sits in front of the desk and mentally prepares himself for what’s to come.

“So, what’s he done this week?” Denning sighs wearily because he knows that he can’t have five-0 without Steve, which means there’s always going to be something he’s done of questionable legality.

“Well apparently there’s blown up warehouse somewhere, but I hear it was drug runner who set the explosions, so he can’t really be blamed for that. Other that than it’s been a pretty quiet week so far. You probably should prepare for some large destruction of property next week to make up for it”

Denning laughs, “I’ll alert the bank that the state of Hawaii may need a loan at some point in the near future”

“Knowing Steve he’d just break in and rob the bank” Danny mutters, and it worries him that it's true and Steve would totally do that.

“That’s a good point, how are you still sane after working with the man for so long?”

“Sir, I honestly don’t know. It’s pretty close sometimes” He replies honestly.

“Well don’t let yourself go, someone’s got to keep Commander McGarrett in line”

“Yeah, he’s like a toddler with a gun.”

“That’s a worrying image Detective, but I can’t deny he does gets results.” Denning says, leaning back in his chair.

“He’s an overachiever like that, always trying to one up the rest of us.”

Denning laughs before he continues to justify and explain Steve's actions. It's been tame enough that it only takes an hour before he seems to be satisfied that Hawaii is not in imminent destruction from a McGarrett stunt. Although Danny really wasn’t joking about that loan, he’s so blaming Steve and his shit for the economy tanking.

After the meeting he drives back and picks Lily up on the steps to the palace, she’s in a pretty summer dress today and smiles as she climbs into the passenger seat. She talks on the way, grimacing when she mentions that someone had brought in pineapple pizza for lunch. It’s a well known fact that he hates the stuff and no one has ever even tried to bring it into the office after the last time. It was the first, and last, time he’d actually put Steve on the floor, boy had it felt good.

J.J Dolan’s was one of the only decent pizza places in Honolulu. None of its pizzas came with pineapple and the barman was a hilarious guy, whip smart with a great Irish accent. He parks around back and takes Lily’s arm as they walk in, they’re just friends but it never hurts to be a gentleman. Rory waves at them from the bar and seats them in a cosy alcove with a bottle of white and makes kissy faces as he leaves. Fucker.

Despite his Irish heritage Rory is great with wine, picking out a great Pinot Grigio for them. He doesn’t bother to take their order, Danny always has the pepperoni and she always gets the Fiorentina.

Steve texts him halfway through, asking to pick up some beer. He shoots back that he’s not his damn secretary, no matter what everyone else says, and he can go his own damn beer. He has a truck. He then goes back to listening to Lily telling him about her latest hike. She loves the outdoors and spends most weekends camping out on the mountains. He figures that her and Steve would get along.

After dinner, they migrate to the bar, where Rory tries to get them to try his latest concoction. Danny’s made that mistake once and had had to call Steve to come pick him up he was so drunk. He really doesn’t want to let him drive his car anymore than he already does. Or give him anymore ammunition that he's a lightweight. He'd like to see him handle a 'vodka surprise', not that he thinks there was actually any vodka in it. But he was far too pissed to really notice so he can't be sure.

He takes one sip, just to try it, and grimaces. He can taste the Guinness, tequila and some pineapple liquor that he remembers getting Steve as a joke.

Lily just laughs at his face and hands him some water, he gratefully guzzles it down and threatens to arrest Rory for assault, he just laughs and slaps him on the back. Irish bastard.

He has to help Lily stumble out of there, she’d had most of the wine and then been persuaded into having a few shots as well. He helps her into the car and makes sure to drive slowly so as not to disturb her. She’s pretty much out of it by the time they pull up outside her house. He’s glad he went with her tonight, she’d be vulnerable on her own.

He has to pretty much carry her up to the front door and rummage in her bag for the keys. Once inside he places her on her bed, leaving her in her dress but slipping her shoes off. He places a blanket over her, goes to the kitchen and gets a glass of water before going into the bathroom to find some Advil. He places it by the bed and makes sure she’s okay before leaving.

It was a good night but he’s never letting Rory and shot glasses near them again, it just ends in embarrassment for all involved. He’s so glad that he’s never gone with any of the five-0 gang, the stories that they could get out of Rory would be mortifying and he’d never hear the end of it. Not that he does anyway, he is the permanent butt of the joke with the wonder trio. Maybe he'll just take a week off and see them try to cope without him. They wouldn't last a day.

The traffic’s light right now and he goes faster than strictly legal on the way home, Steve does it all the time so it shouldn’t be a problem. Hell the HPD probably know his car by now, from the amount of times it’s been screeching around these streets with boy racer at the wheel.

He pulls up quietly to the house, careful not to wake anyone. He’s tired and strips off his shirt and slacks before sliding into his bed, he savours it after that awful pull out. He stretches out and spares a moment for Steve and his beerless state. But soon enough he’s out like a light.

——————

When he comes back from his morning run (Another habit picked up from SWAT, Steve would be proud), he thinks he should be surprised that Steve’s leaning against his kitchen counter, 'I love NJ' mug of coffee in hand. The amount of times Danny did the same.

“Morning Steve, to what do I owe this pleasure. Have you blown up your house or something?” He wouldn't be surprised if he had.

“Nah, didn’t want to take the truck all the way to the office”

He picks up a towel from off the back of one of his dining chairs and slings it over his shoulder, “Oh so you thought you’d right shotgun with me, then take me car, then drive home with my car, force me to get a cab home while you keep my fucking car. No Steven, you can take your own goddam truck”

Steve looks a little pissed and starts to pout, “Aww come on Danno, I’ll make sure to drop you home. I wouldn’t leave you at the office”

“The last time you said that I ended up crashing on Officer Temko’s couch, and he has a dog, who likes people so much to almost suffocate guests by sleeping on top of them.”

Steve opens his mouth and he waves a finger in his face to shut him up, “So finish your coffee, get in your overcompensation of a truck and I’ll see you at the office. If my car isn’t here when I get out of the shower, you’re dead. Trust me, I know most of the homicide department now, they’ll cover for me” He threatens.

Steve’s got his kicked puppy look on but right now Danny can’t deal with it, he spins on his heel and walks out, up the stairs and into the bathroom. He turns the shower on and shaves while he waits for it to heat up, one of the drawbacks of this place. Still the pressure’s good and soon enough the hot water is relaxing him from dealing with Steve.

He’s just getting out when he hears the Camaro’s engine rev up and screech down the road, and he resists the urge to smash the mirror in anger. Taking a look out of the window to see his car gone and Steve’s truck still on the driveway. Still fuming, an idea comes to mind and he walks into his room to grab his phone, he needs to make a call.

Once dressed, he heads back downstairs to a scrawled note on his kitchen table,

‘Caught a case, needed the speed, sorry will make it up to you later, truck keys are in dish’ It says in Steve's barely-legible scrawl.

Sure enough the keys are in the dish by the door and he smirks when he hears a honk outside, opening the door to see a tow-truck waiting outside.

“Detective Williams? I was told about someone parking on your drive without your permission?” The guy who climbs out of the cab asks.

“Yeah, it’s this truck here. I need to go so just make sure you don’t damage it, I don’t want to get sued” He says and nods at his convincing lie.

The guy nods and smiles, setting about preparing the truck to get pulled onto the bed, Steve is gonna kill him for this, but he totally deserves it.

Then he heads next door, Lucy, his neighbour is into bikes and she readily lends him one and a bright red helmet to match. It’s been a while since he’s been on one of these but it’s free and he needs the some way to get to work.

He spares one last glance at the tow-truck, Steve’s Silverado slowly being pulled onto it and smirks in satisfaction. Steve McGarrett is going to regret ever asking to borrow his car again.

The officers outside give him looks as he pulls up, ranging from impressed to plain confused.

“Steve’s got my car” He says in explanation and they all nod in sympathy as he walks inside.

The office is empty and everything’s shut down, meaning none of the others got in this morning before the case came up. He puts a pot of Kona on to brew and spends ten minutes checking through his email.

The mail-guy comes round and drops a package off for him, it’s small and he has no idea what it is. The address comes from the governor’s office and he opens it with caution. He laughs at what he finds.

Neatly printed business cards with ‘Daniel Williams, Secretary and HPD liaison, five-0.’ along with with his contact details. He can’t wait to start giving them out, SWAT’s gonna have a field day with this one.

He emails the governor to thank him for the gift and slips a few into his wallet, he’ll give one to Kai when she comes by.

He goes about his usual day, doing the paperwork, faking Steve’s signature and fielding requests from various departments. At this rate he’ll never have any free time to himself. Right now it seems as if Homicide and Vice are arguing over who gets him on their team for the inter-department paint balling match, (Five-0 haven’t been allowed to participate since Steve put three people in the hospital with some ninja SEAL shit a few years ago).

After Kai’s come and gone, sadly with no new juicy gossip, he’s getting ready to hit the gym, when Mark Perkins, head of SWAT, comes running into the office, literally. He’s panting and looks frazzled, half dressed in his SWAT gear.

“Danny there’s a big drugs bust going down” He gets out.

“Okay…” He has no idea where this is going, “That’s…nice? You have fun with that. Don't do anything Steve would do” He advises with a shrug, taking a draw of his coffee.

“We’re three men down, even with our backup’s we need someone else. You’ve been doing stuff with us for months and know most of the procedure. We could really use you on this” Mark explains, looking at him, pleading.

He opens and closes his mouth a few times, he’s never done anything like this, well except all the stuff with five-0 but Mike’s a great guy and can grill an excellent steak. He can’t refuse.

“Sure, if you’ve got any stuff in my size." He finally agrees, "But I’m not rolling anything up!” He adds in warning

Mike looks relieved and slaps him on the shoulder, “Don’t worry we’ll find you something.”

He locks the office before he leaves and puts his out-of-office email on, should anyone need him.

Mike physically drags him down to the storage locker where the others are getting suited up, they offer him smiles, a few slaps on the back and some comments about poaching him from five-0, coffee machine included. He always knew they only wanted him for the coffee.

True to his word, Mike finds him gear that’s the right size (a miracle) and after a quick briefing on what’s going to happen he’s partnered up and they’re in the back of the van.

It’s weird to be out in the field like this, he feels more protected than he normally would with just his TAC vest and pure luck that keeps him alive under normal circumstances. It’ll be nice to be around people who actually follow proper procedure and are substantial enough to be considered proper backup.

They pull up outside a dilapidated looking warehouse that’s supposedly a centre for coke smuggling. And it's amazing that SuperSEAL hasn't been along to blow this one up yet. He jogs along with the others awkwardly, heavy equipment weighing him down. They line up against the side and Mike pats his shoulder.

“You ready for this Jersey?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be” He replies and Mike smirks before pulling up his balaclava and motioning for them to move in.

After that it’s a blur of action and gunfire. He reacts on instinct and takes three of them down in a shot that would impress Steve if he were here. It’s rather anticlimactic actually, and in the end most of the drug runners are dead and the ones who aren’t are being rounded up by HPD. He knows he’s been spending too much time around Steve when this is considered ‘boring’ and ‘uneventful’. Maybe he’ll have to add to those business cards. Something along the lines of ‘made permanently insane by prolonged exposure to Steve McGarrett’.

Speaking of SuperSEAL he hears a familiar engine outside the warehouse and wonders why the hell he’s here. He hasn’t had any word from the man since this morning. Maybe he can take a leaf out of Steve's book and punch him in the face to get his keys back. 

Steve strides into the warehouse and completely ignores him, and he’s a little angry about that, until he realises that he’s still got his helmet and balaclava on. He Smirks to himself, this gives him the perfect opportunity to get his car back. If it’s a secured scene, Steve normally leaves the keys in the car, which means that he can get his own back on McGarrett twice over. Revenge feels good.

Steve’s still talking to one of the HPD officers so he jogs outside quickly to check his car, finding the keys still in the ignition, perfect. He takes them out and slips them in his pocket, whistling a tune.

He still hasn’t taken his stuff off and when he returns Steve’s moved off to go ‘talk' to one of the drug runners whose still alive, albeit with a slug in his knee, courtesy of yours truly.

He borrows a sheet of paper and pen off one of the officers and scribbles a quick note down for Steve. Next he heads over to Mike, who smiles brightly at him and pulls him in for a quick hug.

“You were great out there Jersey! Ever think about a transfer?”

“Nah, then who would do the paperwork and make the coffee?” he shoots back and Mike laughs, “Actually I kinda need to get back and Steve’s brought my car so could you give this to him after I’ve gone”

Mike looks confused as he takes the slip of paper, “How’s he going to get back then?”

Danny smirks, “No idea, but he took my car this morning and left me without a ride, so now it’s time for some payback”

Mike smirks back at him and pockets the paper, “Right off you go then" He instructs, "and remind me never to get on the wrong side of you” He laughs and pats him on the shoulder.

He waves goodbye to the others and finally pulls off the helmet and mask once he’s safely inside his car. He starts the engine and pulls off, looking back in time to see Steve come out, a shocked look his face. Payback’s a bitch. He laughs all the way back into Honolulu, just thinking about what Steve’s gonna do.

Chin and Kono are in when he gets back, freshly changed and showered. They’re around the tech table and give him grave looks when he enters, he pauses at the door.

“So I’m just come right out and say it” Kono begins nervously, “Steve _may_ have left the keys in your car and it _may_  have got nicked while he was out at a scene.”

He looks at them shocked for a moment before bending over laughing, the cousins are looking at him like he’s crazy. He rights himself quickly and wipes the tears from his eyes.

“Oh this is even better than I thought, what did he say to you?”

“Danny are you alright?” Chin’s looking a little scared, one hand on his gun.

“Fine actually" He assures them, "so tell me what did he say?”

Kono’s still looking confused, “He said that someone at the scene took it but no one knows who. All HPD and SWAT were accounted for.”

Obviously Mike and the others had covered for him and he wonders whose going to end up giving Steve a lift back, hopefully they’ll make him suffer first.

“Well I’m just gonna wait here for him to turn up. This is gonna be fun” He rubs his hands together in glee and leans against the tech table.

“If you’re going to kill him, can you try not to get blood on the table?” Chin asks, “It’s a bitch to get out”

“Nah I’m not gonna kill him” Danny assures them, pulling the keys out of his pocket and dangling them in front of them.

“Ahhh” They both say in unison, suddenly understanding.

“Anyway so what’s the case?” He asks, pocketing the keys again.

They explain about a suspected Yakuza found dead with ties to a drug smuggling operation out of a warehouse by the docks. Funnily enough linked to the one that Steve blew up yesterday. SWAT and HPD were already planing to raid it and Steve went over to try and get some info out of any of the suspects.

“Hmm sounds fun, I’m going to go and get some paperwork done, tell me if Steve turns up?” He smiles sweetly at them and retreats back into his office.

Lily comes by half an hour later, holding a box of coco puffs. She apologises for her behaviour last night and thanks him for getting her home, he waves it off but accepts the coco puffs and they talk for a little while. Apparently about her planned sobriety for the foreseeable future.

She’s just getting up to go when Steve comes in, thunderous look on his face. He ignores Chin and Kono and storms right into his office, making Lily jump. He stands up and lays a comforting arm on her shoulder, and whispers for her to escape before the beast is unleashed. She laughs at his comment and leaves.

Steve’s breathing hard and standing right in front of the desk, he’s holding back laughter at the look. He probably thinks he looks so menacing like that.

“So Steven, having a nice day with my car?” He asks innocently.

“YOU took it” he accuses, pointing a finger in his chest.

“You mean _my_ car. The car that _you_ left the keys in. The car that _I_ own and is perfectly okay for me to get in, start the engine, and drive off. You know what it _not_ okay, taking someone’s car without their permission.”

“I left you the truck!” Steve protests and out of the corner of his eyes he can see Chin and Kono edging closer.

“Hmm it wasn’t there when I got out of the shower, my neighbour said it got towed”

Steve’s face freezes, “You didn’t”

“Do what? As far I know all I have done is drive my own car and get an obstruction removed off my drive, nothing illegal in that”

“You bastard, you went all the way over to that warehouse to prove a point?” He asks and obviously he still mustn’t know about his little trip out with SWAT.

“No I was there providing backup with SWAT, my car just happened to turn up” He says matter-of-factly.

“I had to ride with this Narc who kept giving me death glares”

Danny shrugs and sits down again, “Not my fault you nicked the car off the guy who brings them coco puffs every Friday”

Steve huffs and throws his arms up in protest, “I can’t believe you right now! You’re a cop, you’re supposed to be professional” Steve yells and Chin and Kono pretty much have their noses pressed against the glass of his office now.

“Says you, Mr rules-don’t-apply-to-me-becuase-I’m-a-SEAL. You’re such a hypocrite”

“I can’t even deal with you right now, go home or whatever, I don’t want to see you for the rest of the day” Steve grits out, turns on his heel and leaves, slamming the door behind him.

Steve’s just given him the afternoon off and left him with his car keys, he’s glad Lucy came to pick up her bike earlier, so he doesn’t have to deal with that as well. Chin and Kono have returned to the tech table and look like their deeply engrossed in the case.

He offers them a cheery wave as he leaves and meets Steve glare from his office, smiling brightly at him to as he goes through the doors. He's such a princess.

He’s seriously debating that transfer to SWAT right now, it would probably be good for his blood pressure not having to deal with Steve every day. He nods to the officers outside as he leaves and enjoys the bliss of having his car. It’s such a rarity that he decides he may as well go for a drive while he has it. And since Steve has so kindly put more gas in it.

He gets a text from Kono whilst he’s on the highway, ‘ _you broke him, please help, we’re not sure how long we can last’_. He ignores it for the time being until he gets one from Chin too, ‘ _I’m hiding in a supply closet rn, he’s been prowling round and growling like some animal. save us._ ’

 _That_ gets him worried because Chin hiding from Steve? Not good. It’d take him too long to get back before someone gets murdered, so he settles for pulling over onto a lookout spot. He picks up his phone and calls Steve, because this has gone too far.

‘ _What do you want_?’ Is how Steve greets him. And he can hear the theme music from the solitaire game in the background.

“Well I was going to offer you a ride home, but not with that attitude” He states calmly.

‘ _I think you made it quite clear what you thought of me and your car ealier_ ’ Steve grits out.

“Steven, I got texts from both Chin and Kono asking me to save them, Chin’s hiding from you for fucks sake. Now man up and deal with your feelings like a big boy” He instructs

There’s a resigned sigh and Steve sounds a lot calmer, ‘ _Sorry, I was pissed. I shouldn’t have scared them like that’_

“Well it’s not really me you should be saying that to, now go apologise to your long-suffering colleagues. Stay on the line so I know you’ve done it”

He hears footsteps then a knock, he hears a muffled conversation before the door closes again, that must have been Kono.

“By the way, Chin’s in the supply closet” He adds.

There’s another muffled conversation and then the sound of laughter and back slaps. He breathes a sigh of relief that peace has been restored in the Kingdom of McGarrett.

‘ _Look, we need to talk. Wanna come around for beers at my place’_? Steve suggests and Danny can tell he’s got his kicked puppy look on just from his tone.

“It’s a date, I’ll come pick you up now” He agrees and hangs up, turning back to the car and getting in, pulling a tight u-turn and speeding of back toward Honolulu.

He pulls up outside the palace half an hour later to Steve waiting for him, probably having been chucked out by Chin and Kono, he’s leaning against the wall, and doesn’t say a word as he climbs into the passenger seat, grunting at he adjusts the seat for his freakishly long legs. He laughs and pulls off again, it’s only mid-afternoon so the traffic isn’t too bad right now.

Steve stays silent the whole journey, which is not a good sign and normally means he’s thinking about feelings or something equally bad that leads to explosions and paperwork. And when they hell did so much of his life revolve around the stuff? He sighs.

When they pull up outside just as the tension levels between them are reaching critical, Steve still hasn’t spoken and he’s getting really worried as to what’s about to happen. Still, he follows Steve out of the car and up the path.

Steve unlocks the door and puts the alarm code in, striding through into the kitchen and pulling two beers out of the fridge, meaning that he did actually go out last night and get them himself, uncapping them he hands one to Danny and wordlessly heads out onto the lanai and down to the beach chairs. He follows with a sigh.

Once he’s downed half his beer and settled in his chair, he speaks, “Okay Steven, what’s up with you? First you take my car, then get pissed at me for taking it back. There’s something else going on, I can tell”

Steve sighs and takes a long drag of his beer, draining it and staring at the empty bottle, “I don’t want you to leave” He whispers quietly.

Leave? What is he going on about, he’s just- oh...He means leave five-0, and to be fair he can see where he’s coming from. He has been spending a lot of time with the homicide department and SWAT, but that’s only out of necessity, since the intrepid three are always out. He gets lonely otherwise.

“Aww babe, I’m not leaving five-0" He assures Steve, who looks utterly relieved, "we’re family", he continues, "Just because I’ve gotten friendly with some of the other departments doesn’t mean I’d leave you guys. Firstly you’d get killed in a week and secondly none of you would ever get paid, who do you think files your pay checks?”

Steve turns to him and smiles, “That’s good to hear Danno, just I overheard some of the SWAT guys saying how you’d be a great addition and…”

“Yeah it was fun and they’re good guys but I like being a detective and you know...detecting” He reassures.

“What about homicide, you could go join them”

“Babe, now it sounds like you’re trying to get rid of me, make your mind up”

“Shut up, I mean, haven’t you noticed all the attention?”

“Attention? No.” He says and what on earth is Steve on about now?

“Danny, there is someone bringing you lunch every day, they’re not just being nice”

“What?” He’s still not seeing where this is going.

Steve lets out a long sigh, “They want in your pants Danny, please say you notice when people are flirting with you”

Oh, he thinks back to all the various people who normally drop by, he’s pretty sure that Kai, Mike and Lily aren’t after him like that but now he thinks about it, some of the others’ behaviour could be seen as flirtatious. Okay, he may have been a bit stupid.

“Ah, I see”

“Wow, and you think I’m emotionally stunted” Steve breathes and he slaps him on the shoulder.

“Fuck off Steve, and what are you gonna do about it?” He challenges

“This” Steve says decisively, leaning over and pressing their lips together in a searing kiss. And wow, he was _not_ expecting that. He’s paralysed for a moment before his brain kicks into action and he starts kissing back, leaning out of his chair to deepen the kiss.

Steve’s the first to pull back, breathless with stolen lips, “You’re not allowed near any of them again”

“Huh, so have _you_ been flirting with me?” He asks, curious.

Steve laughs and huffs out a breath, “Have been for the last year, but thanks for noticing”

“Sure babe, whatever, you wanna head inside?” He asks suggestively and Steve smirks, knocking the bottle out of his hand and pulling him up, dragging him inside like some fucking caveman.

Bloody neanderthal…

—————————————

They’re lying in a sweaty mess on the bed, still panting, Steve’s like a fucking human octopus unsurprisingly and has his arms wrapped around him and their legs entwined.

“I want you out in the field more Danno, it’s lonely without you, your ranting’s very therapeutic” Steve says seriously and gets a slap for the comment.

“But then I’ll never get to see all my new friends” He complains and Steve slaps him right back.

“We’re hiring a secretary as well”

“But I just got my new business cards! And the governor says I make an excellent secretary” He argues back, but he has missed field work and he wonders if Lily would consider a move to five-0, she’s always complaining about her douche of a boss…

“Danno, I’m your boss, so I’m telling you to shut up”

“And as your equal partner, I’m gonna ignore that. Also if I won’t be able to use the gym at my normal time! How will I maintain my beautiful body?”

Steve rolls his eyes, “Not that I’m not loving these lovely abs, but you could always come with me for my morning swim?” He suggests.

“Babe, no, just no” He shakes his head and shudders at the thought of getting up _that_ early.

“Okay what if I got you a punch bag to hang up on the lanai?”

His eyes widen comically, “You’d do that, for me?” He says incredulously.

Steve smiles and nods, kissing him on the forehead, “Course I would Danno, we can go shopping for one tomorrow” Because Steve has never been one to slow down for one fucking second.

“Okay babe whatever you say” He says, resigned to the fact that Steve always gets his way.

“So how do you feel about a bit of role-play, I’ll be the boss and you can be the secretary…” Steve suggests and he slaps him to shut him up.

They will never find the fucking body.

——————————

“Come on Slowpoke, we haven’t got all day!” He calls as Steve finally catches up to where he’s got their suspect pinned down. He’s grinning from ear to ear at finally having overtaken Steve. The look on his face was priceless as he’d sped past.

“Fuck off Danny, smug doesn’t look good on you”

“Well I’ve been putting up with yours for the last five years” He shoots back, dragging the guy up.

“Yo, how long you guys been married?” The guy jokes, earning himself a kick in the shin from Steve and a harsh shove from him.

“Why does everyone always think we’re married?” He asks Steve who shrugs and falls into step next to him as they walk back towards the Camaro.

“No idea Danny, no idea” He replies with a smirk. And if he finds any fucking wedding rings in the near future, he is  _so_ going to murder Steve.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone got any ideas what I should write for xmas (doesn't need to be xmas related by the way)  
> Also could add to one of my series....


End file.
